When Finney cakes was just 2 weeks old she was almost kidnapped or perhaps I watch too many Lifetime movies. Either way it was traumatizing and this is what went down….
Throughout my pregnancy I was fully immersed in books and websites and videos on how to raise a baby (I really didn’t want to mess this one up-even if it is just the practice kid) and what to do in every situation that could possibly arise. One of the instances that I heard of on more than one occasion was that you should never tie “It’s a Girl” or similar baby balloons to your mailbox
I remember reading this and thinking how odd it is to think that pedophiles or kidnappers are driving around looking for giant cutouts of storks announcing a new arrival…but in today’s sick world anything is possible I guess.
I ignored this wisdom and put about 14 balloons on the mailbox. I was so excited to share the news with my neighborhood that I pushed out an 8lb 10oz baby in 3 hrs and 18 mins.
Back to the kidnapping… I found myself at home for the first time with my little roly-poly-screaming-poop-machine since the hubs went back to work and I was left to fend for myself and care for a child with minimal sleep (we are talking no more than 2 hrs at a time).
Our day usually started fairly early then we would move it to the living room to catch up on Teen Mom or one of the Real Housewives or some other scintillating tv show when the doorbell rang. I assumed it was a neighbor or friend stopping by to see the baby or better yet feed me since I was running out of my freezer stash of food, however when I walked towards the door I saw a large unmarked white van. A florist would have a marked van, I know UPS and Fed Ex, any other repair person would surely have something advertising their services printed on the van, even if it is just for the tax break. Immediately my heart sunk and terror took over my body. I, of course, assumed the worst and that this unrecognized person was here to steal my baby (she is the cutest ever after all). At this point it was too late to not answer the door since the strange man at my door saw me. I started rushing through a list of items I could attack this person with if need be. I also was hoping that my neighbor was home and my doorbell rang at her house too (when someone rings my bell it rings hers too since we have the same wireless doorbell) and that she would look outside to see who was there.
When I opened the door it was young guy (just the baby-stealin’ type!) and I stared at him with shock on my face as he told me he was from Safelite….like I know what that is-a religious cult that kidnaps babies to brainwash them to join their murderous ranks perhaps. I continued to stare at him like I have no idea what he is talking about, he then told me that he was there for the truck…again I had no clue and stared on and thought that “oh great, he is going to steal our baby and our truck so I can’t chase after him”. He sensed my weirdness so he further explained that he was there to fix the windshield on the truck…..oh yeah, I think that the hubs did tell me that someone would be coming to fix the windshield on the truck. I was so relieved by this that I just spilled my guts to him about thinking he was a kidnapper and going to steal my newborn. He said that he understood since his sister has kids….but really there is no way that he didn’t go home and tell his friends about the insane lady with the crazy eyes that thinks everyone wants her demonic baby?